I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
