Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
