You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
