I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
