Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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