i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
