just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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