Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
