Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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