help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
