I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
