If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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