OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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