So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think your dad took our porno
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
