You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
