6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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