I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
