every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
