I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
