Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
