The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
