you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
