i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I need moral support for this bender
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
