We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
