You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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