I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
