There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
