Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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