He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
