Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize