the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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