please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
