I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
