I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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