I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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