She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
