I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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