Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
