u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
