Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
