I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
