i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
