He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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