Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
