Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
