i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
