UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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