I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize