some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
