im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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