Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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