Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i out mim tonsoeep
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
