Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
