no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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