i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize