only if we run a train.
done.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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