Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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