How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
