Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
