Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
