He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
