Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize