I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
