I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
