She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
