This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
