Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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