What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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