Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
