did you get engaged???
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
