eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish i was in the wii world.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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