Dual....:-)
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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