she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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