I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
