Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize