And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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