I'm eating all of the evidence.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
