We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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