If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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