i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
