there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
two words...techno handjob
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
