too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
