why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
