the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
