Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
