Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
