Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
