I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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