Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize