Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
