I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
