Don't make out with my wife yet
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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