if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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