Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
