I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
