her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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