fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
