exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
