We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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