hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
