Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
