I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
