Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
