It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
