Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
