I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
